Today’s Highlight

Barmaid-minding Cops

Cops in Bangalore are out for moral policing, perhaps with a hidden agenda, as noted in “Are Cops Barmaid Minders?”

Bob’s Banter

Loyalty to Old TV

In the face of new models of TVs making fashionable inroads, Bob’s loyalty to his old functioning TV is expressed in “My Faithful Idiot Box..!”

For more insightful articles by Bob, hit his website – www.bobsbanter.com

CocktailPlaza 

Also have a look at our trivia/sublime, random quotes, Indiana and recycled humour in this section – as and when we schedule them afresh – or in the archives.  

The CD on Laughter is loaded on this website for you to view/download.

The CD on laughter is loaded in the archives of this website for free downloading and use. Click on “laughter Plaza” on the top bar below the masthead on the home (front) page. Alert your friends who may be interested.

 Stay with us and help us to grow!

- John B. Monteiro

Are Cops Barmaid Minders?

By John B. Monteiro

 When constabulary duty’s to be done

A policeman’s lot is not a happy one.

 - William S. Gilbert, English dramatist (1836-1911).

 Gilbert was talking of an age when corruption in the police force was unknown. Now, the functions of the police have expanded far beyond the traditional law and order and include even moral policing. In this grey area lies much opportunity for making filthy lucre through haftas for protection or even extortion. The more the laws, rules and regulations, the more the opportunities to blackmail and extort. That is why police impose new rules, as is happening in Bangalore. 

 A few weeks ago, the top cop in Bangalore, Police Commissioner Shankar Bidari, had a curtain-raiser on regulating barmaids. He wanted them to gyrate in saris. The city police top brass had taken a decision to rein in Bangalore’s naughty night life and was working out details of imposing a “dress code” on the young women who make a living pirouetting in the sundry bars in the back alleys. The so-called anti-sleaze campaign was ostensibly aimed at curbing the passions of men who seek pleasure gawking at scantily clad women. The police’s morals are sought to be extended to the dim and grimy bars in the belief that the dress code will stop the corrupting influence of bar girls on the youth and prevent prostitution. Armed with so-called “complaints”, they were to make churidars, saris and shirts and trousers compulsory for the bar girls when they take the floor to entertain people who patronize the high wattage bars.

 Said Bidari: “We have decided to introduce a dress code for bar girls since we received several complaints objecting to the dresses they usually wear. The complainants claimed the bar girls’ employers were trying to promote obscenity, so that their business thrived, by making the girls wear dresses that reveal more than they conceal”.

 Now Bidari has issued a notice and the draft order which was gazetted on July 27, 2010, inviting suggestions and objections are to be filed within 30 days. The bars in the city henceforth have to ensure that the girls are employed full-time and they have to introduce uniforms. The draft order issued the Home Department on The Licensing and Controlling of Liquor Houses (Bangalore City) Order 2010 makes it mandatory for bar owners to furnish complete details of the girls employed by them as well as a signed consent letter by the girls. As per the order, apart from other clearances, the bar owner should take permission from the police.

 Explaining the reasons for the new curbs,  Bidari said: “We are interested in ensuring the dignity of girls employed in these bars, and in ensuring that they are not exploited. In many cases, we have noticed that bar girls are made to sing, dance and indulge in avoidable conversation with customers. They are made to wear indecent clothes giving scope for unruly situations. We want to check this. We are not into harassing anyone.” Bidari said that after the Supreme Court and Karnataka High Court have removed the ban on employment of women in liquor houses, about sixty bars across the city have employed women. However, a number of malpractices have come to the notice of the police, including how these women are not being paid their salary but are asked to share 50% of the tips collected.

 The present order is claimed to be framed on the model of the order which is in force in Mumbai. It may be noted in Mumbai 75,000 bar girls/dancers lost their jobs effective August 15, 2005 following a ban. Most of them gravitated to Bangalore and Goa and some got into the flesh racket. But, Mumbai bars have such enticers on the sly by paying protection money to the cops, as reflected in sporadic well-publicised token raids. The same model of protection racket will follow to Bangalore.

 Bars come under the Excise Department and conditions of service are the concern of Labour/Welfare Department. So, the special “altruistic” interest of the cops in safeguarding the dignity and wages of the barmaids has to be viewed in the context of creating opportunities for extra pickings. It may also be recalled that the cops shot down a recent proposal to extend the hours of bars to 2 AM by the Excise Minister. If you have a restriction, you can negotiate your hafta for breaking it and winking at the transgression. It is not that the night life in Bangalore is dead after the official midnight closure time.

 The subject is open to many views. What are yours? Over to you.

My driver walked into my bedroom this morning, to help me move some furniture, looked at my little TV set and said imploring, “Sir you should change your TV!” I frowned as he left the room, then looked at my faithful idiot box:

There’s nothing wrong with her!

She’s served me well; fifteen years and still going strong! 

Shahrukh Khan still looks like Shahrukh Khan, a little older though then agile youngster who pranced once on also young screen. Katrina; as beautiful as on my neighbors set and so are Kareena and a horde of other youngsters whose faces I don’t know not for lack of picture clarity but want of knowledge on my part. Oh yes and the news readers speak with the same urgency on my old set pretending that ant killed in London is important enough for me to switch off favorite Raymond show and listen to intense, impassioned prattling.

Nothing wrong with my TV sir!

She offers as many channels as my neighbor’s and if perchance his does a dozen more, my fingers look less worn from pressing remote all evening long!

She sits in a little niche in a cupboard in my bedroom, has seen my body change without offering too many changes herself. And when I write like I do now, she sits blank and patient, not offering seductive glances with ‘wide screen’ or ‘flat front’ but her rounded matronly figure quietly waiting for my fingers to caress knob and leap her into action.

There’s nothing the matter with her sir!

“Bring her to the showroom,” shout the salesmen, “and we’ll send you back with a fantastic exchange!”

“But what’s wrong with her?” I ask.

“How old?”

“Fifteen!”

“You crazy?”

“Should I be?”

She sits in niche and smiles at me; I stare back happy,

“T’would be difficult,” I whisper lovingly, “to adapt to stranger in this room! No matter if she be blessed with robust flatness and slim frame! To have such sleek, sensation staring fixedly back would take too much getting accustomed to my dear, and to what avail, after all Shahrukh still looks like Shahrukh, katrina also as beautiful as on neighbors set and so is Kareena, and of course the newsreader speaks…….

“No exchange!” I say firmly and pat her on the head; a little too firmly maybe; she stops working; nothing that a rap and a shake on her tough sides doesn’t sort out and she’s back to normal again!

Now which flat screen or slim side could have managed that?

 Today’s Highlight

Whistleblowers

What motivates whistleblowers is the final question in “Can Whistleblowers be Betrayers?”

Bob’s Banter

Coaching Agitators

Holiday!

For more insightful articles by Bob, hit his website – www.bobsbanter.com

CocktailPlaza 

Also have a look at our trivia/sublime, random quotes, Indiana and recycled humour in this section – as and when we schedule them afresh – or in the archives.

Sublime

Help All!

I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work.  Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum.
From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes and no money. There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don’t want to be bothered. This was one of those “don’t want to be bothered times.”
“I hope he doesn’t ask me for any money,” I thought. He didn’t.
He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn’t look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus.        
After a few minutes he spoke. “That’s a very pretty car,” he said. He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard kept more than his face warm.
I said: “thanks”, and continued wiping off my car.
He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, ” ask him if he needs any help.” I was sure that he would say “yes” but I held true to the inner voice.
“Do you need any help?” I asked.
He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments.
I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.
“Don’t we all?” he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gouge shotgun. Don’t we all?
I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true.
No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too.
No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help.
Even if it’s just a compliment, you can give that. You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don’t have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.
Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that.
Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.
Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, “go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help.”
Don’t we all?         
In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.

 The CD on Laughter is loaded on this website for you to view/download.

The CD on laughter is loaded in the archives of this website for free downloading and use. Click on “laughter Plaza” on the top bar below the masthead on the home (front) page. Alert your friends who may be interested.

 Stay with us and help us to grow! 

- John B. Monteiro

Can Whistleblowers Be Betrayers?

By John B. Monteiro

 “To disbelieve in marriage is easy: To love a married woman is easy; but to betray a comrade, to be disloyal to a host, to break a covenant of bread and salt, is impossible.”   — George Bernard Shaw, Irish writer.

 Betrayals in love may lead to suicides, as happened in the case of two fashion models in Mumbai over the last two months. Whistleblowers are also considered betrayers by those exposed by them and are made to pay the price even unto murderous death. For instance, with the cold-blooded murder of Right of Information (RTI) activist Amit Jathwa near the Gujarat High Court in Ahmedabad on July 20,2010, the number of whistleblowers killed this year alone has gone up to eight. According to an RTI activist, after every murder, the respective State government gave a standard reply:  “Matter is under investigation. We will find the culprits”. It is suspected that, may be colluding to betray their “tormentors”. But, in these cases, the RTI activists know what they are up against and factored in the risks.

 But, there are cases where the betrayal by whistleblowers cause serious harm to innocent individuals and compromise state security. The latest instance is the biggest leak in intelligence history involving more than 90,000 records of incidents and intelligence reports about the failing war in Afghanistan by the whistleblowers’ website Wikileaks. The files give blow-by-blow account of the fighting over the last six years which has so far cost the lives of more than 320 British and 1,000 US troops.

 Behind the revelation of the leaks on July 26, 1010 is a complex story as tracked by Nick Davis in Guardian (London) one of the three papers, others being New York Times and Der Spiegel magazine of Germany, who were roped in to shift through the huge trove of data for material of public interest and to distribute globally this secret record of the world’s most powerful nation at war.

 Tracing the roots of the exposure, Davies says that it was in November 2009 that somebody working in a high-security facility inside a US military base in Iraq started to copy secret material. Stray leakage of secret video footage from Iraq alerted Pentagon to the leakage which finally closed in on the suspect – after a very strange sequence of events. On May 21, 2010, a Californian computer hacker called Adrian Lamo was contacted by somebody with the online name Bradass87 who started to swap instant messages with him. He was immediately extraordinarily open: “hi..how are you? ..im an army intelligence analyst, deployed to eastern bagdhad…if you had unprecedented access to classified networks, 14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 8+ months, what would you do?” He described how his job gave him access to two secret networks which allowed him to see “incredible things, awful things that belong to the public domain and not on some server stored in   a dark room in Washington DC… almost criminal political back-dealings ..non-PR version of world events and crimes”.

 Bradass87 suggested that “someone I know intimately” had been downloading and compressing and encrypting all the data and uploading it  to someone he identified as Julian Assange. At times, he suggested that he himself had leaked the material, suggesting that he had taken in blank CDs, labeled as Lady Gaga music, slotted them into his high security laptop and lip-synched to non-existent music to cover his downloading.

“I want people to see the truth”, he said.

 On May 23 Lamo contacted Pentagon and consequently, on May 26, a 22-year-old intelligence analyst named Bradley Manning was arrested in Baghdad, shipped across the border to Kuwait and is locked up in a military prison.

 There are may twists and turns and subplots in this saga of betrayal of US secrets by one who was sworn to protect them. What could have motivated him? Was it only his personal pique or a broader altruistic objective?

The subject is open to many views. What are yours? Over to you.

Today’s Highlight

Pricing House-work

The Supreme Court of India has made a critical reference to non-valuing or undervaluing the work of housewives and has called for corrective action, as noted in “How to compute housewife’s value?”

Bob’s Banter

Coaching Agitators

Bob has his sarcastic take on increasingly violent young protesters in “Classes for Student Agitators..!”

For more insightful articles by Bob, hit his website – www.bobsbanter.com

CocktailPlaza 

Also have a look at our trivia/sublime, random quotes, Indiana and recycled humour in this section – as and when we schedule them afresh – or in the archives.

Indiana

Wedding decoy

Ganga Ram of Uttar Pradesh asked a marriage broker to find him a bride. The broker showed him photos and fixed a date and collected Rs. 30,000 from Ram. After the wedding, when the bride’s veil was lifted, Ram discovered that he had actually married a man! The ‘bride’ confessed to the police that this was the 18^th time he was playing the role. The other 17 victims were too embarrassed to complain.

The CD on Laughter is loaded on this website for you to view/download.

The CD on laughter is loaded in the archives of this website for free downloading and use. Click on “laughter Plaza” on the top bar below the masthead on the home (front) page. Alert your friends who may be interested.

 Stay with us and help us to grow!

- John B. Monteiro

How To Compute Housewife’s Value?

By John B. Monteiro

                        You are pictures out of doors,

Bells in your parlours, wild-cats in your kitchens,

Saints in your injuries, devils being offended,

Players in your housewifery, and housewives in your beds.

 - William Shakespeare, English dramatic poet (1564- 1616) in Othello.

 “Appeles use to paint a good housewife upon a snayl (snail?); which intimated that she should be as slow from gadding abroad, and when she went she should carry her house upon her back; that is, she should make all sure at home.”  James Howell,   writer from Wales (1595-1666).

 If you think that these are foreign perception of women or housewives, this quotation from Thomas Munro (later Sir) in a dispatch as administrator in the Salem region (circa1792) to his madras headquarters of East India Company, on the reasons why some could not pay land tax is a pointer: “… a third tells me that he cannot afford to pay his usual rent because his wife is dead; she used to do more work than his best bullock”. Nowadays, the comparison is to a donkey or a mule – the beast of burden with empty upper storey. The ransom of young brides, dowry, is widely discussed. But, no one has stopped to think of their silent contribution, as housewives, to the success of the family and homestead. Now the Supreme Court of India has thrown a bombshell on the subject that is going to have far-reaching impact on how the housewives are going to be recognized and their quiet work valued. But, first the facts.

 Holding that the valuation of the income of the homemaker as one-third of the of the income of the earning spouse is not rational while computing compensation in cases of motor accidents claims, the Supreme Court has asked Parliament to revisit the provisions to the value the services of homemakers properly. A  Bench of Justices G.S. Singhvi and  A.K. Ganguly, in separate but concurring judgments, on July 22, 2010 expressed anguish that despite a clear constitutional mandate from Article 15 (1) to eschew discrimination on grounds of sex there was a distinct gender bias against women, in the implementation, and various welfare legislation and judicial pronouncements.

 “The time has come for Parliament to have a rethink on properly assessing the value of homemaker’s and householders’ work and suitably amending the provisions of the Motor Vehicles Act and other related laws for giving compensation when the victim  is women and homemakers. Amendments to matrimonial laws may also be made in order to give effect to the mandate to Article 15 (1) of the Constitution,” the Bench said.

  In his Judgment, Justice Ganguly said: Women are generally engaged to homemaking, bringing up children and also in production of goods and services which are not sold in market but are consumed at the household level. Thus, the work of women mostly goes unrecognized, and they are never valued.” He said the bias against women was shockingly in the work of the census. “In the census of 2001, it appears that those who are doing household duties such as cooking, cleaning of utensils, looking after children, fetching water and firewood have been categorized as non-workers and equated with beggars, prostitutes and prisoners who according to the census, are not engaged in economically productive work.  This approach of equating women, who are homemakers, with beggars, prostitutes and prisoners as economically non-productive workers betrays a totally insensitive and callous approach to the dignity of labour so far as women are concerned, and is indicative of a strong gender bias against women.”

 Justice Ganguly said: “Though the census operation does not call for consideration in this case, but reference to the same has been made to show the strong bias shown against women and their work. We hope and trust in the on-going census operation, this will be corrected. Lack of sensitiveness and recognition of their work mainly contributes to women’s high rate of poverty and their consequential oppression in society, as well as various physical, social and psychological problems. Courts and tribunals should do well to factor in these considerations while assessing compensation for housewives who are victims of road accidents and quantifying the amount in the name of fixing ‘just compensation’.”

In this concurring judgment Justice Singhvi said: “It is highly unfair, unjust and inappropriate to compute the compensation payable to the dependants of the deceased wife/mother, who does not have regular income, by comparing her services with that of a housekeeper or servant or an employee who works for a fixed period. The gratuitous services rendered by wife/mother to the husband and children cannot be equated with the services of an employee, and no evidence or data can possibly be produced for estimating the value of such services.”

 In the instant case, appellant Arun Kumar’s wife Renu Agarwal died, aged 39, in a road accident in Uttar Pradesh. The Motor Accidents Claims Tribunal awarded Rs.2,5 lakh in compensation and the Allahabad High Court confirmed this order by dismissing the appeal. The SC appeal was directed against the judgment.  The court allowed the appeal and enhanced the compensation to Rs.6 lakh with a 6 per cent interest from the date of filing of the petition till the date of payment, which should be made within three months. The court also awarded the appellant Rs.50, 000 in costs.

 The subject is open to many views. What are y6ours? Over to you.

With different state governments antagonizing students and students protesting against stupid government policies, coaching classes who always rise to such occasions are thinking of starting special classes for student agitators:

“This course,” said the proprietor of a coaching institute in Delhi, “will equip students how best to agitate and how to get maximum exposure. We have with us the finest instructors who are basically politicians supplementing their income from our classes, they will not only hold theory sessions but give practical training. Here meet Nitin.”

“Good morning!” said Nitin as he put out his fat hand then suddenly ducked behind the owner of the coaching class till a policeman who was on a bicycle cycled past.

“Nitinji is wanted by the police,” said the coaching class owner.

“For what?” I asked surprised.

“For assaulting a policeman!” said the owner of the classes, “we thought he would be the right person on how to hit policemen where it hurts! He will teach the students the art of throwing stones.”

“Is it an art?” I asked, “or an offence?”

“Aha!” said the owner, “that is where Nitinji comes in. He shows students how to throw the stone only when a policeman raises his lathi and a camera man is taking a shot, that way the public will think it is retaliation against police brutality!”

“Interesting!” I said.

“And who is this?” I asked looking at a woman who had just come by with torn clothes on, “Looks like she’s been through a scuffle.”

“This is Madam Mamata! She is being kept for the women students only.”

“What does she teach?”

“How to rip your blouse and tear your clothes when being led to the police station!”

“Is that also an art?”

“Try doing it within fifteen seconds,” said the coaching class owner, ” She teaches you where the seam is, and what hand movement to use so even if being held by a policeman you can tear your garment fast!”

“Why would anyone ever want to do that?” I asked perplexed.

“How else can you accuse the cops of molestation? Of rape?”

“I can even show you how to inflict nail and bite injuries on yourself!” said Madam Mamata proudly coming towards me.

“I’m sure you can,” I said as I moved away from her. “Are there other instructors?”

“Of course! It’s a very professional course,” said the owner, “we have tutors who teach students what to wear during a strike; wear a lab coat if you are a doctor and you will get immediate public sympathy, then there are make up artists who tell you how to put instant make up before the cameras click you. We also have …”

“One minute,” I interrupted, “don’t you have teachers who advice them on what issues to agitate and when not to?”

“Thankfully there’s no need for that,” said the owner of the coaching classes, “with their silly policies, every issue is a cause to agitate..!”