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Is intuition better in match-making?
John B Monteiro
After all, more likely than not, it is the same Internet that brought them in contact with each other (through the marriage portal they registered their profiles in) and created this dilemma in their minds. So, it’s up to the Internet to give them a solution. And as always, the Internet comes through for them and provides them the tools, in the form of a psychological test, with which to make a decision.
However, this happy outcome takes place only if they limit themselves to the first page of their Google search results. If they go past this, and many do, they then find a plethora of such tests, and each of them usually ends up giving different results. The situation is not unlike “doctor shopping” where, dissatisfied with the diagnosis, prognosis or treatment plan offered by the first doctor one consults, a second opinion from another consultant is sought, and if this is at variance with the first one, yet another opinion is sought until one finds a doctor who gives one the answer one was hoping for in the first place.
Some people use psychometric tests in just this manner. Initially a “best of three”, later a “best of five”, sometimes a “best of seven” and so forth. In recent times, such tests have gone pretty much viral on the Internet and I’m not unused to couples who are on the brink of getting married or even those that have been married a while, coming to see me with their scores and ratings, asking whether there can ever be harmony in their relationships considering they belong to such widely divergent personality types. On top of their minds is the whole issue of compatibility, whether both are well enough suited to each other to get it right. Obviously, this is not a new phenomenon, for, our country has a long history of ensuring compatible partnerships by matching horoscopes. The basic approach is to find a perfect match based on an assessment of parameters that one may not quite understand, but nevertheless has abiding faith in. Today, the choice of tools is changing with horoscopes giving way to psychometry.
Partner choice in a marriage or any long-term committed relationship, whether through love or family arrangement, is a bit of a lottery. What you see is not always what you get, for, over time both partners change, whether they want to or not. However, one can’t be blasé about choosing a partner, as some people tend to be, when they give greater importance to the ‘profile’ of the prospective partner than the individual behind the profile. After all, one is marrying a person, not a profile.
The only true indicator of compatibility is the ‘emotional and intellectual connect’ between two people, for, these would serve as the lattice around which a relationship can be built. And ‘connect’ is easier to feel than measure. If you’re wondering how such a key decision can be made on such a tenuous and intangible parameter, take heart, for, most major decisions in life are taken more by intuition than reasoning.
The other key requirements for compatibility are mutual tolerance and flexibility. And for these to make their appearance, two ‘connected’ partners in a relationship have to like each other. Being in love can be wonderfully uplifting for both partners, but it’s only when they like each other can they hope to lay the compatibility conundrum to rest.
The subject is open to many views. What are yours? Over to you.
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